I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize