....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
