I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize