THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
