I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
