I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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