my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
