Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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