He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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