all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
