I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
