Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
