so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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