her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
