I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
