I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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