how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
