therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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