She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
