You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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