there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's shark week go big or go home
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
