Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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