I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
