We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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