I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
