Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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