just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
