i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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