I puked a lego.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
