They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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