I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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