last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
