Don't you send me to vm
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
