I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
