dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
