I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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