You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
