2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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