Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
