Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
