I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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