So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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