A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
