you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
