Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My ass is underappreciated
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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