A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
