Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
