i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
