in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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