I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
