sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm both gender and math confused
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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