They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
