I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize