can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i will never coherently bang her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
