batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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