i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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