You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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