It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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