I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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