Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
