I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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