Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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