Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
