New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In America we eat man semen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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