I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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