i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
