I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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