it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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