Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
