I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize