How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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