I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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