just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
